Believing in the Dream

I guess I never listed this before….

Age: 20

Sex: Female

Height: 5’4”

BMI: 32.6 (Obese Class 1)

Starting/Highest Weight (SW/HW): 215lbs

Current Weight (CW): 190lbs 

Goal Weight 1 (GW1): 150lbs (by July 1st)

Goal Weight 2 (GW2): 130lbs (by my Birthday, Sept 6th)

Ultimate Goal Weight (UGW): 108lbs - 120lbs

If we think about this logically…someone with the height of 5’4” isn’t very big. They are kind of tiny (height wise) if you think about it. ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY POUNDS is a lot to be asking that tiny frame to carry. Eventually, one way or another…without change…that tiny frame will give in to the weight by heart disease, diabetes, stroke, or any other of the millions of conditions negatively affected my weight gain. Heart disease runs in my family, diabetes runs in my family…depression runs in my family. All of these factors are major motivation to lose weight. Every step I take to lose weight is in the right direction. Every Insanity workout I do, every piece of food I don’t eat….it’s all a matter of control. Do I have what it takes? Maybe not before, but I sure as hell do now. 

Food: 

• Afternoon Snack - Tim Horton’s Egg Salad Wrap 170cal
• Dinner - Homemade Tuna Salad Sandwich 435cal
• Total for today: 1485cal so I made it with 15 calories to spare

That homemade tuna sandwich has got me stuffed, if I get hungry later tonight I’m going to be SUPER surprised. I am happy though, because not too long ago I could eat a whole footlong tuna sandwich from subway, but now I can only eat barely over one regular sized-sandwich. 

Completed:

• Wash/Dry Clothes
• Washing Dishes

Left to Finish Today:

• Grocery Shopping
• Cleaning Rest of Apartment
• Putting Dishes Away
• Putting Laundry Away
• Picking Arik Up. 

Tomorrow is a new day, and my first day of class. Here we go! :) 

So as I said before I got Insanity in the mail yesterday. Although my diet wasn’t up to par yday, Today I am following it to a T. I won’t mess up anymore. 

So I’m allowing myself 1500 calories per day. that’s 5-300cal meals. It sounds like a lot, I know…but calories add up fast and I haven’t even eaten that much today and I’m almost done! 

Today I’ve eaten:

• Breakfast - Canned Pears 210cal + Yoplait Whips Strawberry (only 1/4) 35cal = 245cal
• Morning Snack - Half a Mandarin Orange (Cuties) 14cal + Nature Valley Oats and Honey 190cal + Yoplait Whips Strawberry (3/4) 105cal = 309cal
• Lunch - All Natural Mighty Mango Antioxidant Smoothie (Naked Juice) 300cal
• So Far today that’s ~855cal, I have 2 more meals left. Probably some more fruit and then a homemade tuna sandwich for dinner. 

Insanity was insane (literally) Today was the Plyometric Cardio Circuit Workout. My friend and I took a lot of rests but we kept going and persevered through it all. I am so sore. I can feel muscles in places I forgot they even existed (underneath my layers of fat of course)

Plans from here on out:

• Wake up at 7:30AM
• Take Xenadrine when waking up
• Eat 300cal meals at 8:00AM, 11:30AM, 1:30PM, 4:30PM, & 7:30PM
• Insanity Workout Every Day (Except Sundays) at 8:30AM
• On Sundays, Go Swimming + Cardio Dance Class after Church
• Weigh myself once a week (Sundays) while at the gym
• Go To Sleep by 11PM
• Go To Class Every Monday and Wednesday
• Do all Homework/Assignments

Plans for the rest of today: 

• Laundry with Eloc around 4:30PM
• Clean Apartment
• Pick Up Arik from Work at 9:15PM

cause I’m sick again. I literally JUST got over having a strep throat to get it again? I bet there’s someone around me who’s only a carrier…UGH. My throat is already started to hurt cause it’s super swollen. I think I’m gonna see if I can get my tonsils removed…do they do that still? 

I just can’t take being sick anymore. 

I ate more food. Not Fruit. Fail.

I have TWO more morning star meatless sausage egg and cheese sandwiches.

Ugh. 

I am SUPER full and yet i’m Still making this Fruit Pizza which counters how good it is for you by containing fruit with having cream cheese, sugar, cool whip, and sugar cookie too. But it’s so delicious…I had to make it for myself at least once. (i’ve never made it before)

Anyway, no more eating from here on out tonight.

GOOD NEWS: I went swimming and I swam for an HOUR. I did nothing but laps and I lost count so I just went by time. I planned for a half hour and when I reached that, I planned for an hour instead. I am sore but I feel so good and so proud. 

Any time that I felt super tired and like I wanted to quit..I kept telling myself “You can only fail, if you don’t try” So I kept trying, and then it was 20 minutes left…10 minutes…5 and then I was done. I felt a little dizzy afterward…..worth it!

Which means I burned 866 calories so I still haven’t breached my calorie limit for today but it still sucks that i’ve eaten so much. I swear tomorrow will be a better day. Going to order Insanity ASAP. I’m excited.

So Right When I’m Hungry, I ate. I went grocery shopping for my roommate and I and I was so hungry. 

I had

• 5 farmrich mozzarella sticks (with marinara sauce in them) - 450 cal
• A strawberry - 6 cal
• Morning Star (Meatless) Sausage, Egg, And Cheese Biscuit - 265 cal

A total of 721 Calories? Seriously? 

Or in other words wayy too much. It’s only day one and i’m already fucking up.BUT (excuses, excuses) It is only day one and I don’t want to go from the extreme of eating like…a GAZILLION calories one day to less than 200 the next. So I guess today’s calorie limit will be 1000, but I probably won’t eat anything but fruits and vegetables raw for the rest of the day. If I eat anything else I’ll feel like a failure. and I’ve got to remember…WATER, WATER, WATER!! I want to at least hit the recommended 64oz a day mark. 

Some good news:

• I have been a member on Livestrong.com for some time and I use their MyPlate which helps me count how many calories I’ve been eating and how my exercise burns calories. It’s pretty helpful!
• I bought Xenadrine today and I took one pill. The box says take one before each meal but the reviews say that one a day is enough at first and I don’t want to get sick so i’m gonna take it slow. I’m waiting for the energy to kick in cause apparently its intense and then I’m gonna try to not be lazy and go swimming.
• Speaking of slimming, I bought this new bathing suit and It’s adorable but it covers so much its like a bathing suit dress. I could wear it like an outfit, but it’s slim fitting so it makes my shape look less lumpy and it’s better than wearing a tankini and letting everyone see how fat I really am. 
• My refund money from school finally came back in and I’m totally excited. I’m going to pay allll my millions of bills, put some into savings, and then spend the rest like a madman. 

Man, the full feeling in my stomach is making me feel angry. Apparently, with Xenadrine though, you can’t NOT eat or it’ll make you sick and nauseous and junk…so I mean, I guess its not so bad that I ate. 

Anyway, I’m going to put the rest of my stuff away and then head to the gym to swim. I wish I knew of an outdoor pool to go to but oh well, I DO live in Ohio….